LAS VEGAS - A recent study of Army wives finds military couples struggle to communicate effectively before, during and after a service member's deployment. Prior to deployment, Army wives reported anxiety and anticipation for their husband's pending assignments. However, Army wives were also eager for their husbands to deploy so they could move on with their lives, according to research conducted by Erin Sahlstein, a UNLV Communication Studies Professor.
These feelings translated into extreme communication patterns at each stage of the deployment process, which involved different issues. Several of the wives felt like they were on a rollercoaster ride of emotions.
"Couples can shut off from one another, close down and avoid talking about really important issues they need to discuss such as what they should do with household finances and how to deal with the children," said Sahlstein, who has studied long-distance relationships for 15 years. "Other couples communicate so much that they put stressors on each other in terms of dealing with deployment."
Sahlstein recommends military couples stay adaptable and flexible with their communication and address problems prior to deployment. She suggests:
- Military couples and families should remember they are in a unique situation unlike civilian families. The military has guidelines of what can and cannot be talked about.
- Recognize the desire to talk exists, but time constraints on both sides of the separation make it difficult to connect.
- During deployment, spouses should choose the right time and place to talk about serious subjects.
- Seeking help. Couples should not isolate themselves when separated.
- Talking with other soldiers and families and getting help through base services can help couples cope.
While technology has made it easier for military families to keep in touch, couples increase the frequency of their conversations but have less meaningful talks. Couples are also grappling with what they can discuss - per military guidelines - and they are unsure of which communication tool works best.
"Families are struggling with maintaining separate lives but also trying to stay connected," Sahlstein said.
After deployment ended, many couples struggled to find normalcy and define their parental and household roles. Couples experienced a "honeymoon period" of four to six weeks, during which some soldiers evaded conversations about their war experiences and Army wives avoided serious topics, though they wanted their husbands to open up.
Some wives were unwilling to hear what happened to their husbands because they didn't want to worry if their husbands were to deploy again, Sahlstein said.
Sahlstein interviewed 50 Army wives whose spouses served in the Iraq and Afghanistan wars. The study was published in the December 2009 issue of the journal Communication Monographs. Participating in the study with Sahlstein were communication professors Katheryn C. Maguire of Wayne State University and Lindsay Timmerman of the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee.
